Enneagram type 5 and 6 relationship

Relationship Type 5 with Type 6 — The Enneagram Institute

enneagram type 5 and 6 relationship

Enneagram Type 5 - The Observer Type 6 - Loyal Skeptic this type may be intellectually brilliant or knowledgeable, while feelings and relationships present . After people learn their own Enneagram type, the next question I invariably get asked is Man is Type 5 (Thinker) or Type 1 (Perfectionist). Each Enneagram type has its own idealization, avoidance and defense mechanism For the Five, you can bring attention to your relationships and people who.

What to Appreciate in Protectors. Power and strength, assertiveness, encouragement and support of desires, zest for life, directness, and protectiveness. Practice holding ground, expressing self directly, and claiming own needs.

Work at accepting, not changing, the Protector. Develop the separate or independent self. Become aware of and moderate intrusiveness and emotionality that the Protector experiences as controlling. Genuine care, helpfulness and willingness to give, sensitivity regarding feelings and relationships, and positive active energy.

Develop sensitivity to feelings and allow in own vulnerabilities. Manage energy expression and boundaries. Type 2, the Giver, and Type 9, the Mediator Synergies and Challenges Key Conflicts Givers and Mediators get along well together because they both are sensitive, pleasing, helpful, and accommodating.

But conflict arises when Givers become overly helpful and intrusive in an effort to get Mediators to set priorities, take initiatives, and say what they need even though Givers have great difficulty themselves with experiencing what they need. When this pattern persists, the relationship can deteriorate and even dissolve. Steadiness, patience, genuine care, acceptance of life, empathy, and the tendency to counter active energy with a slower pace and relaxed attitude. Notice and moderate emotions, pace, amount of advice.

Develop and express own separate and independent self. Work at personal priorities and needs and encourage the Mediator to do likewise. Genuine care, helpfulness, empathy, sensitivity regarding feelings, liveliness, and positive active energy.

Work on own priorities, personal boundaries, and needs and encourage the Giver to do likewise. Take responsibility for own part in conflict. Be willing to confront intrusion and over giving. They can live parallel yet supportive lives with each taking on the tasks necessary to function and attain goals. They may even become competitive, experience one another as obstacles in the path of attainment and success, and feel insufficiently recognized. A cycle of ever-increasing conflict can result when this occurs.

Then each can get frustrated, impatient, angry, and distance himself or herself from each other, leading to alienation and distant co-existence or dissolution of the relationship. Inattention to feelings and relationship issues, excessive focus on work and accomplishments, desire for too much recognition, and difficulty slowing pace.

What to Appreciate in Other Performers. Notice pace and moderate pace and allow in the receptive force. Encourage expression of feelings in each other associated with the development of the receptive force. Create time for non-work related activities and simply the relationship.

Recognize that love comes from being, not doing. Performers wanting approval try harder, yet often still disappoint the Romantic who pursues the ideal relationship. This pattern can result in a sustained gulf between them and even lead to dissolution of the relationship.

Idealism, deep feelings, sensitivity to others, creative disposition, and quest for authenticity and depth. Allow self to experience depth of true feelings and more receptive force. Pay attention to and support the relationship. Attention going to what is missing rather than what is present, imbalance regarding feeling versus doing preoccupation with feelings and sometimes inattention to doingdesire for more attention and special treatment, and tendency to become self-centered.

Support for action, sustained effort, optimism, practicality, goal focus, and competence. Stay active and present even when feeling deficient. Balance the human feeling side of endeavors with action. Acknowledge own sense of wanting more attention and depth. Type 3, the Performer, and Type 5, the Observer Synergies and Challenges Key Conflicts Performers and Observers support each other in work projects and shared activities.

As neither type habitually attends to feelings, they are unlikely to resolve the situation through dialogue and expression of personal feelings.

They may become alienated and lonely leading eventually to termination the relationship. Pressure to move ahead, focus mainly on tasks and goals, impatience with analysis, shared difficulty in expressing personal feelings, and tendency to cut corners. Thoughtful analysis, thinking before doing, dispassion and relative calm under pressure, and undemanding quality. Allow for periods of inactivity and reflection while encouraging the Observer to stay engaged. Work on shared difficulty in paying attention to feelings.

Respect boundaries and different work styles. Notice and moderate the fast go ahead energy and pace. Can-do attitude, accomplishment orientation, competence, engagement in life tasks, showing care through doing and facilitating goals, and enthusiasm.

Practice staying engaged and connected. Encourage Performer to moderate pace and activity level. Work on shared difficulty paying attention to feelings. Declare when alone time is needed. Type 3, the Performer, and Type 6, the Loyal Skeptic Synergies and Challenges Key Conflicts When sharing a common purpose or goal, Performers and Loyal Skeptics can complement each other well with an action orientation balanced by thoughtful downside analysis.

When Performers push ahead, somewhat blind to potential hazards and what can go wrong, Loyal Skeptics can react with caution and contrary thinking about pitfalls and worst case scenarios. A cycle of escalating conflict can take place with the Performer seeing this as putting up obstacles to progress and success, which evokes impatience and a push forward into action.

The Loyal Skeptic then can feel unheard and discounted, which increases his or her doubt and mistrust. This can spiral into a web of angry allegations and eventually estrangement. Loyalty, warmth, healthy skepticism and questioning, ability to see the bigger picture, and sensitivity. Develop respect for pitfalls and downside of endeavors.

Practice expressing own true feelings. Notice and moderate fast pace and allow in receptive force. Optimism, caring through doing, sustained focus on goals, positive go-ahead energy, and support for achievements. Practice trusting in plausible positive actions.

enneagram type 5 and 6 relationship

Be clear about own position and feelings. Pay attention to and express positives. Reduce tendency to either defer or challenge. Since both types avoid painful feelings and negatives, difficulties can reach crisis proportions before they are faced. This cycle of blame creates pain and anger in both. If the difficulties are not faced, alienation can take place and the relationship can dissolve.

Shared optimism and go-getter energy, mental quickness and inventiveness, positive possibility orientation, flexibility, and the playful adventuresome spirit. Allow in painful feelings and seeming negatives and encouraging the Epicure to do likewise.

Practice slowing the fast pace and allow in receptive force. Develop patience by noticing the tendency toward impatience and releasing from it. Positive active energy, accomplishment and solution orientation, disciplined goal focus, practicality, and caring through doing.

Allow in painful feelings and seeming negatives, encourage the Performer to do likewise. Come more into the present moment and away from future planning.

Type 3, the Performer, and Type 8, the Protector Synergies and Challenges Key Conflicts Performers and Protectors can join together in pursuit of shared goals with vigor and determination. However, control and competition struggles can emerge unbuffered by softer feelings. A cycle of escalating conflict can ensue with the Protector picking up on the changes of position on the part of the shape-shifting Performer, leading to more provocation of the all-or-nothing style of confrontation.

Hurtful fights, withdrawal, and disruption of the relationship may ensue leading to termination the relationship. Strait-forwardness, big life energy, support for goals, action orientation, courage of convictions, and strength of purpose.

Welcome negative feedback and challenge.

enneagram type 5 and 6 relationship

Pay attention to own true feelings. Encourage the Protector to express his or her softer more vulnerable side. Go-ahead energy, goal-directedness, achievement orientation, flexibility, enthusiasm, and caring through doing. Recognize Performer for positive contributions and encourage the expression of true feelings. Allow in own softer feelings and receptive force. In turn, Performers help to mobilize Mediators into action.

Getting frustrated and impatient, the Performer may pressure the Mediator to make decisions. Feeling discounted and controlled, the Mediator can become anxious, stubborn and resistive. This then may escalate into angry exchanges and debilitating, prolonged stand-offs that threaten or may even dissolve the relationship.

Preoccupation with success and recognition, fast pace, inattention to feelings, self-focus, and desire to maintain a good image. Steadiness, ability to defer, adaptability, empathy, genuine support and caring, and ability to set slower pace and provide a counterbalance to active energy. Notice and express own true feelings.

Practice receptivity — really listening. Ability to focus on goals and solutions both for self and other, joy in doing, can-do attitude, sense of hope, and competence. Insist on being heard.

Encourage Performer to moderate pace and listen. Concentrate on what is wanted and important, not on what is not wanted and inessential. Then, they may feel disappointed in each other or themselves and feel that something important is lacking. A push-pull can take place between them when what is absent and longed for seems better or more ideal than what is present and fulfilling. A cycle of escalating conflict can arise in, which they compete for understanding, acknowledgement, support, and attention.

Moodiness, anger over disappointments, and loss of steadiness may ensue. When this push-pull cycle repeats often enough the relationship can destabilizes and dissolve. Tendency toward self-preoccupation, desire to be special and unique, focusing on what is missing rather than what is present, and push-pull swings of emotion.

What to Appreciate in Other Romantics. Intensity, depth of feeling and reflection, idealism, the romantic and aesthetic flair, empathy for suffering, and authenticity. Seek to understand rather than be understood. Practice staying steady and present, especially in the midst of strong emotion. Appreciate the ordinary as well as the extraordinary. Focus on what is present rather than what is missing. In general, however, Romantics want more and Observers want less in relationship.

Romantics can experience Observers as emotionally unavailable, overly intellectual, withholding, and controlling of time and energy, while Observers can experience Romantics as too emotional, demanding, intrusive, and difficult to satisfy. A cycle of escalating conflict can occur with the Romantic becoming more demanding and self-focused and the Observer more retracted and detached from feeling.

At worst, this can devolve into paralysis of action, disengagement, and ultimately alienation. Desire for more feeling and attention, difficulty feeling satisfied with what is present, strong emotional expression, and tendency to become self-oriented.

Thoughtful analysis, dispassion, steadiness, non-demandingness, good personal boundaries, and self-sufficiency. Soften claims for depth of connection and feelings.

Welcome less rather than more as desirable. Show gratitude for what is present in the relationship. Stay present in order to respect personal boundaries. Encourage Observer to stay connected and move into life. The way you can work with this is by honing your ability to sense emotional cues.

Is the listener interested? How do you know? What are the cues? Can you feel your feet on the ground and connect to your breath? A simple practice is to limit your sentences to sentences and then check in with others. Observe people with a high level of interpersonal intelligence.

Type Five: The Observer

Notice how they connect to others. This includes noticing body language, voice tenor and tone, timing and speaking style. Engage in physical activity. This helps you become more grounded. Many Fives I know are attracted to the martial arts like tai chi. This is helpful when working with the Enneagram because gratitude automatically shifts focus away from those things which habitually grab attention to perhaps more productive or nourishing things. Intentionally cultivating a gratitude practice is an excellent way to broaden our focus of attention.

Both types respect detail, factual objectivity and accuracy, craftsmanship, and the ability to analyze situations without inserting personal opinions or biases. As a pair, Fives and Sixes can be highly effective in dealing with crises because both are attuned to danger and to bringing their expertise to solve problems. Fives also offer emotional calm, detached objectivity, observational skills, an unusual and penetrating curiosity, and an unwillingness to settle for easy answers.

Sixes bring strongly held values and ideas that make them less objective than Fives although they are more passionate.

Relationships (Type Combinations) — The Enneagram Institute

Their very emotional reactivity—including anxiety and fear-gives Sixes a more sympathetic, human quality. Sixes are more openly unsure of themselves and often look to authorities of some kind including the Fives they trust to give them guidance and advice. Fives tend to be surer of their ability to think for themselves and to entertain new ideas. Fives also tend to be more skeptical and rejecting of authority.

Fives are accepting of Sixes' changing needs for independence with connection; they are also patient with the Six's vacillations.

The devotion of Sixes and understated caring can break through the Five's tendency to isolate.